By Nancy Mbaegbu
Wahala no dey finish for Naija, but this one na premium version! Billionaire lifestyle master, E-Money, showed up at Obi Cubana’s birthday looking like wealth in human form, old money, fresh money, and even money wey CBN never print. The party? Madness! Flavour sang like angel wey chop jollof, champagne dey pop like election tension, and money flow like say recession dey another country.
But E-Money no come with regular energy o. Instead of spraying Naira like the rest of us, baba brought out Pounds Sterling and started his own version of live forex market. Flavour sang “Nwoke Oma,” guests dey vibe, and E-Money convert party to British economy. Meanwhile, EFCC dey watch from one corner, observing like landlord wey no trust new tenant.
After the party sweet finish, food cleared, bottles emptied, filters used and abused, na that moment EFCC enter scene. No warning. No side eye. Just full blown arrest. Reason? Dem say E-Money “disrespected the Naira.” How? Him shoe mistakenly stepped on ₦100 that was chilling on the floor, probably trying to rest from all the party stress. That’s all it took for EFCC to switch from observer to action movie cast.
Of course, VeryDarkMan didn’t keep quiet. Baba vex enter Instagram and drop sermon with fire. “So person spray pounds, EFCC vex for Naira? But when politicians dey bathe inside Ghana-Must-Go full of cash una dey do like say una no see?” He called it what it looked like “audio patriotism.” Everybody just dey collect!
But E-Money, as a soft guy, no shout. He later posted picture like king wey just conquer small kingdom with the caption, “We give God the glory.” EFCC sef went quiet like they suddenly realized the matter no get weight. One thing wey clear be say, for this Nigeria, even your shoe fit land you for EFCC net. So next party you attend, please levitate before your sole mistakenly disrespect national pride.
How VDM’s arrest scattered internet
As if EFCC never tire to trend, on what should’ve been a quiet Thursday, VeryDarkMan aka the human megaphone of the internet accompanied his mama to GTBank to sort out one suspicious debit alert. But before anybody fit shout “customer service,” EFCC agents reportedly swooped outside the bank’s premises and picked him like overripe mango. Next thing? Video surface. Nigerians saw the clip and screamed, “No be so dem dey arrest person ooo.
EFCC talk say dem don dey find VeryDarkMan like house rent wey landlord no wan forget. They even claimed they’ve sent him several invitations to appear before them, but baba no show face. Man just dey move like say na diplomatic passport him dey use waka. So EFCC vex switch gears and picked him up like weekend laundry.
Eyewitnesses talk say the whole arrest looked more like kidnap than lawful arrest. No ID, no warrant, just grab and disappear, and to shock everybody, word spread say VDM was blindfolded. Blindfolded, in 2025? People dey wonder how EFCC go storm street like action film just to arrest one man wey no carry weapon. And let’s be honest, why e be say na after he dragged politicians, celebrities, and pastors like faulty generator online, na that time EFCC suddenly find energy?
Social media? Chaos. Some dey shout “Free VDM!”, others drag EFCC like bad wig. Some say “EFCC dey flex muscle on who no get political godfather”. GTBank even collect stray bullets. “How EFCC take know say he dey there?” one user asked. “Abi GTB dey moonlight as informant?” some people even threaten to close account. Conspiracy theories begin to fly like gala for traffic light. And trust Naija Twitter, everybody turn lawyer, judge and human rights activist overnight.
To make this matter worse, EFCC say dem secure 14-day detention order. 14 whole days inside, no court appearance, no bail, no update. Just VDM and concrete wall. For person wey dey preach like morning bell before every morning, this sudden silence dey suspicious.
Meanwhile, EFCC carry face like person wey dem unplug their DSTV mid-match as they drop press release, claiming their invites to VDM were over alleged financial crimes. But internet judges no gree rest, some say his loud mouth don buy am premium wahala, others say na clear abuse of power. Now everybody dey ask: if he really get case, why una no act since? Or na because he drag people wey hate public disgrace?
My people update show say VDM, don finally regain him freedom from EFCC hand. The internet don scatter with celebration like person wey win Big Brother finale. But no be just jollof and jubilation, people still dey ask serious questions.; why the sudden arrest? EFCC still get plenty explaining to do. No be the end of the gist.
Osinachi: A voice silenced by love
GistNation, make una gather here o! The courtroom just dropped heavy judgment like thunder and the tea is too hot to hold.
Remember Osinachi Nwachukwu? The gospel powerhouse behind Ekwueme? That woman with a voice so anointed even demons dey run? Well, her killer don finally show face, not from any stranger, but from her own house. Guess who? Her husband. Yes, you heard right, the same man wey go church in suit and serve pain like bitterleaf for home.
For years, people don dey suspect say something no dey right. Sis dey serve Holly Ghost fire on stage, but dey carry hellfire for house. Reports say Peter Nwachukwu no just be husband, e be tormentor with PhD in domestic wahala.
Osinachi’s voice healed nations, but inside her own house? She allegedly couldn’t even open mouth to talk. Until one day in 2022, she died. Dem talk say na throat cancer. But na the pain wey dey inside her house be the cause. That one shout louder than any mic.
Finally, Court don confirm say Peter guilty of spousal battery, child cruelty, and emotional terrorism. Even her own pikin talk. 17 witnesses, 25 documents, and one bitter truth. This man wey swear “till death do us part” don make sure say death come early for his wife. And now, Abuja High Court don serve justice like hot pepper soup; death by hanging. The gallows dey wait, and if angels dey close, them go clap.
But make no mistake, this no be just another courtroom drama. This one loud for all the women wey dey endure in silence, praying for change, instead of packing dem bag. For all the neighbors wey hear screams but increase TV volume. For every pastor wey go talk say, “Endure for the sake of marriage.” Look well, Osinachi’s silence speaks for thousands. And e get Bluetooth, wey dey connect to many.
When husband turns his child to a niece
Ah, wahala wear lace wig for this one o. Another bombshell hit us like bad Wi-Fi signal!
So apparently, this Nigerian wife was living her best clueless life abroad, when she finds out that the “sweet niece” her darling husband had been housing was actually his biological daughter. Yes o, not cousin, not family friend, full-blooded child!
Na so everywhere scatter like NEPA transformer wey catch fire. The woman switched from soft wife to action film heroine in 2.3 seconds. She tore the man’s shirt like it offended her destiny.
The man stood there looking like a goat that mistakenly entered church, “It’s not what you think,” he stammered. Bros, abeg, what do you think we’re thinking? That you adopted her out of the kindness of your sneaky heart?
Then, like real madam that has had ENOUGH, she turned to the girl and shouted, “pack your load, you’re not staying in this house tonight!” No questions, no family meeting. Even the poor girl was looking like, “Ma, please, I just got here.” Meanwhile, the husband dey beg like person wey NEPA cut him light mid-prayer. Even grandma joined to beg, but madam was already in full “don’t test me today” mode. This one no be small drama
As usual Online in-laws land. One user wrote, “That shirt tear deserves its own Oscar; Best Expression of Betrayal in Fabric Form.” Internet people no dey ever waste time when drama burst. Memes, opinions, and emotional analysis everywhere. Some were dragging the man like faulty generator, others were defending the girl, saying, “No vex for her o, she just enter this wahala like stray bullet.”
But let’s be real, this one pass small mistake. You carry your child, label her ‘niece,’ smuggled her into your matrimonial home, and expect peace? You are a seasoned liar with PhD in deceit. If you must lie, at least plan the script well. Don’t throw everybody into confusion and expect forgiveness to rain like harmattan dust.
Now the marriage don enter ICU. Whether e go survive? Na only miracle and possibly court settlement fit tell. Next time you want to hide a child, abeg, remember say DNA no dey keep secret. And Nigerian wives? Once dem catch you, your shirt, dignity and destiny fit tear at once.
Culled from The Southerner
