By Nancy Mbaegbu
If “oversharing ” was a person, e for wear Speed Darlington face like native cap. Just when we thought he’d run out of things to shock us with, Baba opened mouth on camera and gave Nigeria a scandal wey fit boil okro soup without fire.
E start like cruise, just small hotel rant. Speedy, in one of his usual online bants, opened mouth like leaking tap and said, “I can never work as a cleaner. You know wetin people dey do for hotel bed?”
Just normal Speedy talk, until he suddenly jam transformer and confessed to once lodging with a 15-year-old girl, even paying ₦2k for hotel staff to clean blood off the bed. Wait, what?! Yes oo, our ears nearly fall off too. The way he said it with confidence, like say na lyrics for new track. Omo! This one loud pass speaker for Owerri club.
Backlash begin fly left, right, and centre. Speedy, realizing say drag dey hook neck, switch mouth like PHCN light. “Na promo,” he said. “I need controversy to blow.” Oga, you go blow enter Kirikiri. Nigeria no dey find this kain joke funny at all. DSVA don forward the case, and social media court don already carry am reach appeal level.
Just as people dey try digest the madness, VDM burst out like oversabi referee with whistle and receipts. He no waste time o! He dragged Speedy from New York reach Yaba, tagged NAPTIP with full chest, and asked the national question: “Na clout be this or criminal confession?”
Speedy later drop one apology like wet tissue: “sorry to those who felt offended. I’m an artiste, and I create shock value.” Bros, shock value no be say you go narrate things wey sound like criminal evidence inside mini podcast! E no shock us, it traumatized us.. Even NEPA light blink when the video dropped.
As the dust still dey fly, VDM no gree drop the mic. Him don carry the matter for head like say na diploma project. Nigerians dey watch like Big Brother eviction. Speedy say na joke. VDM say “Joke fire you there!”Who go win this match? Stay tuned!
Zubby Michael wants to kill in guise of acting?
Some things wey dey happen for Nollywood these days go make you wonder whether na acting dem dey act or real-life royal rumble wey dem just dey film for evidence. Because as we dey talk so, one movie scene don turn full-blown emergency and of course, Zubby Michael dey center of the drama.
So here’s what happened. During the shoot of one action-packed Nollywood film, Zubby and his co-actor, Godwin Nnadiekwe, were filming a fight scene. Normally, these kinds of scenes dey rehearsed well well, but this one? E be like say rehearsal no reach. Zubby enter character with full passion, carry him leg deliver one hot Bruce Lee kick straight to Godwin’s chest. As in, no mercy, no filter. Just gbam!
At first, everybody think say na part of the movie. Until Godwin begin struggle to breathe and land for ground like plantain wey slip from nylon. Before anybody fit shout “Cut!”, ambulance don show, crew members don freeze, and tension don enter set like cold breeze. Hospital report talk say the guy get internal bleeding. Internal o, not scratch oo. This one shock emergency room.
Now everybody dey ask serious questions. Where were the stunt coordinators? Who approved the scene? Abi na freestyle they now use to shoot action film in Nollywood? Because this kain thing fit turn fatal o. If one actor dey land another one for hospital in the name of “realistic acting”, abeg who go remain to finish the movie?
As for Zubby, my guy quiet. Not even one Instagram story to say “Sorry bro, na the spirit of Rambo enter me.” We understand say you like to carry movie for head, but person chest no be trampoline, abeg. Na Nollywood you dey, no be UFC.
This incident don open plenty eyes o. Make filmmakers begin take safety on set serious. Acting no suppose end with oxygen mask. Before we go hear say somebody enter movie set and leave with wheelchair. Biko, let movie remain movie. Nobody dey collect award for who injure person pass.
Massage gone wrong in Lagos
On a calm day when Lagos was minding its own business and traffic was the only oppression on the street, one Instagram post dropped like thunder from dry sky. Angelica Kelechi, a soft babe, looking for soft life, came online to recount about a massage session at Sayria Spa. Yes, the one owned by ex-BBNaija Khloe, and how it allegedly turned into a full-blown harassment scene.
According to her, she lay down to receive normal relaxing massage, only for oga masseur to begin to explore territories that no GPS send him to. The man allegedly touched places wey no concern am. Him hand just enter where e no belong, dey do inspector work. Babe say she freeze like person wey police stop at checkpoint, shocked beyond words.
After the session, she went to the police to report, only for our beloved officers to respond with classic Naija nonsense: “Why small girl like you go spa alone?”Wait, is massage now a crime in Nigeria? Abi na new law?
Sayria Spa no waste time, they quickly released a statement like political campaign jingle. Dem say Angelica and her sister enjoyed the massage so well that they even tipped the staff ₦25k. Tip who assault you? Abi na tip for trauma? The maths no match.
They also claim say she later withdraw the complaint, but the therapist still dey in custody for “investigation sake.” The whole gist twist like lace frontal wey no glue well. Something no dey balance!.
As usual, Nigerians on social media don divide into teams. Influencer Diane Eneje don carry the matter on top her head like tray of gala. She dropped receipts and called out the spa for alleged negligence. Meanwhile, the other half of internet dey ask questions like CID: “Why you no talk immediately?” “Why you tip them?” “Why you choose male therapist?” Ah ah! So now victims need prophetic foresight?
Khloe, the spa madam herself, still dey silent like say her keypad spoil. No statement, no whisper, just silence and comment section that’s currently hotter than Lagos mainland in March. People dey demand answers like say na presidential debate.
For Lagos, even massage fit to come with bonus you no order for. Shine your eye, carry sense and maybe pepper spray enter spa. Na jungle we dey. Las las, this story loud o.
Jennifer Lopez sued for slaying
My people, e get some kind news wey you go hear and just pause like, “Abeg, who dey play with me?” This one na that kind tori and e happen for Yankee. Jennifer Lopez, our forever glowing aunty wey no dey age, just chop legal breakfast for simply posting her own picture. Yes o, her own body, her own walk, her own shine. Now dem dey drag her for $300,000. Na real life be this?
The gist be say one paparazzi guy spotted J.Lo on the move, you know, standard star behaviour and he took a nice shot of her slaying without even trying.
Instead of the man to frame the picture hang am for church as a testimony, he register am under copyright. J.Lo carry the picture post for Instagram like normal celeb flex, na so oga photographer vex, next thing, bros carry her go court like say she thief full Benz.
And now, the photographer dey claim say J.Lo infringe on him copyright, and bros dey demand $300K like say na kidney she borrow. For wetin exactly? To post her own face? Abi because she no say, “oga, abeg I fit use my likeness small?” The man talk say she no get permission, but deep down, e be like say na the one million likes pain am, her face blow pass him hustle.
But make we no lie, for Yankee law, na the photographer get copyright once dem snap you. You fit fine die inside the picture, but legally, na the person wey press shutter get final say. So if you post am without permission, dem fit bill you like say you rent LED screen for Times Square.
J.Lo no be the first to chop this kind legal breakfast. Khloé Kardashian, Gigi Hadid, even Dua Lipa don collect before. These photographers no dey play. Once dem catch you, na lawsuit straight. Them no dey drag you for comment section, dem dey drag you for court with full confidence.
For Yankee matter, no think say because na your face, you get power. Once dem snap you, na the photographer get the remote. If the picture fine like visa stamp, still hold your body. One wrong post fit bring $300K lawsuit wey go humble your ancestors, post with sense or just wait make dem tag you.
Happy new month my gistlovers.
Southerner Xtra
Trending with Nancy Mbaegbu
Sunday, June 1, 2025
