By Nancy Mbaegbu
Wetin we no go hear for Naija hostel? Na so Ajana Chioma Isabella, UNIZIK law student, fine girl, sharp brain, one leg inside Law School, just kpai like that because Elmada Hostel for Nnamdi Azikiwe University say key first, life later.
The gist be say her own key jam inside, and instead of helping her enter room wey hold her insulin, they begin dey yarn policy talk like say na Supreme Court sitting. Asking her to bring money for a new key. Girl wey dey battle diabetes, dey beg dem say her life dey on the line, but dem label am “careless” like say na handbag she forget.
Three whole days! Yes, THREE! Isabella dey waka upandan, sugar level dey dance zanku downwards, and her insulin dey inside room dey look her like prisoner. Instead make dem help her with spare key wey we hear say dey ground, dem lock compassion inside store throwway the key.
Las las, the girl collapse like Bluetooth speaker wey battery don die. Dem rush her go hospital, but hope don already dry like person wey harmattan attack the lips. She no survive am.
Now social media don catch fire. Hashtag #JusticeForIsabella dey fly upandan like campaign banner. People dey share their own horror stories. One student even yarn say dem bill am 90K just to open door! Wait first, na diamond vault?
Isabella, who just dey count days to rock wig and gown, don turn RIP flyer. Her friends dey cry, classmates dey vex, the whole UNIZIK community dey boil, and the country dey ask: when life become less important than lock and key? The matter don pass hostel wahala, na human life we dey talk about.
Truth be say, some university hostels and school policies for this country no just get head. From unnecessary fines to wicked rules wey no get human face, e be like say dem open school to frustrate students.
If this tragedy no teach us say change dey needed, then wetin go teach us? As you dey read so, check that hostel policy where you dey stay o. Because for Nigeria, sometimes na lock and bureaucracy dey hold the gun, life just dey wait for trigger.
Atiku’s ex-boys turn Tinubu’s parlour to wrestling ring
Wahala no dey finish o! Who go believe say two of Atiku’s former loudest cheerleaders, Reno “Twitter Finger” Omokri and Segun “Grammar Overload” Showunmi, go carry their gbas gbos enter Tinubu’s backyard?
Yes o! Two men wey don dump Atiku ship and now dey sip tea for Tinubu’s camp decided to fight for political seniority like say na Big Brother eviction night.
Reno, wey no dey ever get peace if microphone near am, go Honest Bunch podcast dey form kingmaker. Him talk say na him interview Segun, fix him salary, and basically package am for Atiku’s media job.
As in, he hired Segun like tailor wey dey find apprentice work. But Segun no take am likely. Baba vex enter X (formerly Twitter) and pour one full bowl of word salad with names, dates, and locations like say na FBI report.
From Amina Jambo to Lulu Obaifo to Dubai, Abuja and back to Maiduguri. Showunmi basically yarn say, “Reno, you dey mad.”
Baba Segun no stop there o. He call Reno “delusional” and accuse am of packaging lies the same way he once packaged Atiku’s drug talk only to now do amnesia when Tinubu call am for dinner. E come add: “Na who no sabi Reno dey believe him trash talk.” Omo! This one loud pass church crusade speaker.
Now online people dey watch the gbas gbos like Netflix, sipping zobo as these former Atiku apostles dey hustle for political ranking in the House of Tinubu. From shouting “PDP for life” to doing “Jagaban till I die,” na real-life movie series we dey witness.
As e be now, nobody know who go win the bragging rights, but one thing we know be say when political exes fight, na us wey dey observe dey collect the real gist. Who dey hire who? Who truly dey loyal? Na only time and maybe another podcast go tell!
DNA Wahala Reloaded! Cubana Chief Priest vs Hellen hits legal high tension
My people, e don finally reach legal level! After months of dragging, shade-throwing and baby picture parading, Cubana Chief Priest don break silence but not with mouth, with court papers!
Yes o, na for Nairobi, Kenya him carry the drama land. Remember that Kenyan lady wey talk say him born pikin for the socialite? Her name na Hellen, and she no gree rest since. Every week, she drop new photo of herself, Cubana, and the boy like say na family Christmas shoot. DNA this, DNA that, the woman no gree drink water drop cup.
But wahala be like designer shirt. E dey fit anybody. Cubana Chief Priest, wey first dey form cool like ice block, don finally vex. The nightlife mogul don file full-blown defamation suit for High Court of Kenya, quoting Civil Procedure Act like say na him dey lecture Law 101.
According to the documents, Cubana dey beg court make dem shut Hellen up, no more social media dragging, no more baby gist; just silence and peace of mind.
But before anybody fit say “adjourned,” Hellen don fire back with premium online clapback. She tear Cubana ego with one tweet: “So Pascal, you think Kenyan court na like Nigeria wey you fit bribe judge?”
She no just reject the lawsuit, she carry leg boot am enter dustbin. She still dey shout say, “How you get mind sue me but you dey run from common DNA test?” Hellen say until Cubana submit cotton bud, she no dey back down, no matter how many lawyers him line up.
As e be so, social media don split like chin-chin for Christmas. Team DNA dey drag chair with Team Defamation. Some dey say, “If you clean, do the test!” while others dey hail Cubana for finally switching from mute mode to legal fire.
Now, all eyes dey on Kenyan court to decide who be victim, who be villain, and who go collect legal woto woto. This drama never end, e just change location from IG comment section to courtroom.
Breastfeeding Hubby for Bonding
Nothing wey Musa no go see for gate o! Just when you think internet people don’t kuku finish their madness quota, Rachel and her husband Alexander remind us say love no get manual!
This American couple trended like NEPA bill in 2023, all because madam Rachel was breastfeeding not only her babies but her husband too. Yes o, husband join suck-suck gang.
The gist start for 2016 when Rachel forget her breast pump during cruise. Chest begin swell, pain full ground. Na so hubby come bend help her “relieve pressure” one sip turn two, two turn daily subscription. Before we shout “Jesus!”, bros dey suck breast like say na vitamin C. According to Rachel, “It created a special bond.” Bond wey pass super glue, my dear.
She talk say e no be kink, say na emotional closeness. Alexander wey dey drink milk like fine baby even enjoy health benefits, no cold, glowing skin, compliments full everywhere. At some point, dem nearly born baby number four just to continue the “milk ministry”. What a time to be alive!
Fast forward to now, Rachel and hubby don retire from nipple duties. Last baby wean, so bros milk license expire. Dem recently watch their old My Strange Addiction episode and begin shout “cringe!” like say na another couple do am. Alexander talk say e feel like out-of-body experience. Bros, be honest, na out-of-pocket experience you get!
These days, instead of milk bonding, dem dey wake by 5am to meditate and catch cruise in silence. Maturity don enter. But make we no lie, this their love story na sweet madness. Imagine say dem almost born extra pikin just so bros fit continue him milk ministry. At that point you sef go wonder, na papa dem dey breastfeed or na pikin?
For this life, anything fit happen. But as we dey laugh, one question still dey hang: wetin go make a full-grown man breastfeed daily and call am “emotional connection”? Abeg, make una help us answer before another person carry cowbell go another level.
*Southerner Xtra
Trending with Nancy Mbaegbu
Sunday, July 20, 2025
