By Nancy Mbaegbu
Wonders shall truly never end in this Nigeria o! Una remember our poetic ex-Minister of Aviation wey dey quote Shakespeare like morning devotion and collect wives like political appointments? Yes na, Chief Femi Fani-Kayode aka FFK, walking dictionary, drama magnet, and collector of fine women like rare art.
Well, baba don update him marital operating system again. He just added a new bride to the Fani-Kayode catalogue, one fine interior designer from Abia State wey go by the name Adaugo.
The traditional marriage happen codedly last week, but as usual, gist don leak like old DSTV decoder. Word on the street be say dem don dey run things for over two years. So this one no be rebound o, na factory-fitted love with full warranty and zero return policy.
Let’s rewind to the lineup. First, Madam Regina from Ghana, former beauty queen turned spiritual director, with remote control access to FFK’s soul. If FFK cough, Regina go say “bless you.” One daughter, international ministry, and boardroom anointing.
Then we get Precious Chikwendu, ex-beauty queen, mother of four boys, and the only woman wey fit waka into FFK house uninvited and still get juice. Even after the divorce, she dey enjoy VIP co-parenting like say na shareholder she be.
Now, after two years of coded dating, Adaugo don finally collect traditional ring and officially join the Fani-Kayode franchise. Insiders say her low-key lifestyle and drama-free vibe na the secret sauce wey make her entry smooth like silk. Peace dey, respect full ground, and everybody dey play their position like orchestra.
With Adaugo now onboard, gist be say the FFK household dey run like well-oiled choir rehearsal. No off-key, no shouting match, no flying slippers. For this Nigeria wey women dey fight for toothbrush space, baba FFK dey enjoy polygamy with executive calmness. This one na polygamy without protest.
So if polygamy dey your mind, abeg go learn from FFK. No be to just marry woman anyhow, get sense, arrange peace treaty, and most importantly, hold money like cement. Because to maintain three women with respect, luxury, and zero public drama, no be beans o… na billionaire curriculum with small spiritual diplomacy.
UNICAL students and dissed hopes
My gistlovers, I don come with hot gist wey go warm una body for this cold weather. Omo, this gist weak me pass malaria.
Imagine spending 6 to 8 years studying about teeth, bones, saliva and stress only for your school to suddenly tell you, “You no suppose dey here in the first place. Go learn trade.” As in?! Trade ke? After MB exams and all-night tutorials?!
Over 300 Unical dentistry students, from 300 Level to final year, woke up one morning to hear say their dental program no get future. And the reason? “No accreditation. No equipment. No facilities.” Wait first, so why una admit them from year one??
Now here’s the pepper in the soup: UNICAL was only supposed to admit 10 dental students per year according to the Medical and Dental Council of Nigeria (MDCN). But guess what? Dem admit 60! Back-to-back like hit songs. Why? Because dem assume say many go fail or drop out. But God shock them, these students passed!
Now dem don jam rock. MDCN say, “We no go induct anybody wey pass quota or come from overcrowded system.” And instead of taking responsibility, UNICAL turn round begin tell innocent students to transfer (to where, please??), or repeat year, or just quietly disappear. As if na pure water they’ve been drinking since 2017.
So after collecting acceptance fee, registration fee, accommodation fee, lecture notes money, departmental dues, broom money, dustbin levy, lab coat tithe, plus extra “thank you” for nothing, you’re now telling the students that their course is not accredited? Why you admit them in the first place na? Abi na bet?
The VC even allegedly talk say, “How much is your school fees compared to cost of a dental chair?” My people, I wan faint. Are they now saying students should come with their own dental chairs from home ni?
Parents wey sell land and sow prayer seed for graduation now dey hear say pikin never even start life. Some students don begin cry out. Some dey talk depression. Some don dey reason dark thoughts. And can you blame them? This country dey use young people play like board game.
Meanwhile, UNICAL get accreditation o! Valid till 2027. But the problem na say dem no follow rules, no enough lecturers, no facilities, no compliance. The MDCN say until all that change, nobody dey graduate.
Now dem say they want to hire over 218 academic staff and upgrade labs. But while dem dey “plan,” over 300 lives dey hang like street lights. Future just dey on hold. And you know Nigeria, apology no dey come with refund.
The students don write petitions. Social media dey boil. NADS don cry out. But till now, no one don chop suspension, no official don take blame. Just cruise and silence. My people, Nigeria fit admit you, frustrate you, then act like you no exist. My prayer be say make Nigeria no happen to you cos na premium heartbreak you go get.
Kogi varsity lecturer’s last assignment
If dem ever ask you what it means when karma wear high heels and come to collect debt, tell dem to google Kogi State University. Because this recent episode na real-life “From G-Wagon to Graveyard!”
Dr. Olabode Abimbola Ibukunle, senior lecturer, respected on paper, notorious inside campus gist group chat. The man no dey teach alone o. According to students, him dey demand “extra-curriculars” before grades. You know that “see me in my office” wey dey come with hidden terms and conditions? Na him be the man trademark. In fact, students say him matter don tey like akara oil.
Gloria, a 22-year-old student wey just dey find her grade in peace, na she be the “special project” that day. Mr lecturer invite her go hotel, coded location with coded intentions. But before any practical begin, the man reportedly down 2–3 bottles of energy drink like say na World Cup him dey play. You know those ones wey dey promise “Lion Power, Gorilla Strength and Tiger Confidence.”
Before Gloria fit even ask, “Sir, are you okay?” Baba don gulp all three. Then him talk say, “make we do this thing once and for all.” But as action start, Baba begin breathe like Keke wey climb hill. Next thing GBOA! Man down. Baba slump mid action. Just like that. Lights out. Curtains closed. “To God be the Glory” in the most unexpected of ways.
Gloria shock! Hotel staff run enter. Next thing, police land like say dem wan go Sambisa Forest raid. They arrest Gloria as prime suspect. But abeg, who send Baba to do overperformance? Did she force him to drink energy booster like fuel? She no beg am to do Olympics. She came for result, not resurrection. Yet, na her dey trend like suspect.
Now, everywhere don scatter. Twitter dey shake. Students dey say, “Shey this is how we’ll now be getting grades?” Some people dey shout “She set him up!” Others dey scream “Free the girl!” But let’s be honest, this na sex-for-marks turned tragic o. Not intentional harm. If dem wan arrest anybody, maybe dem go start with the system wey make lecturers feel say “knacks equals grades.”
As for Gloria, she go heal with time. As for the lecturer, well, him don collect final result. My gistlovers abeg make I ask, dem suppose arrest Gloria?
Cynthia, love apostle and countless marriages
Wahala no dey finish, but Cynthia Abok say husband go finish for her hand. This 37-year-old Kenyan woman from Kisumu now resident in Nairobi don marry 12 times. No be 12 dates oo, not 12 suitors, we mean 12 actual marriages with ring, vows and premium heartbreak attached.
At this point, even village people don tire and resign. As in, na only her dey do marriage like Owanbe oarty?
Her story started with serious childhood drama. Parents separated, no stable home, siblings waka leave her, and mama’s second marriage come be like extra pepper inside wound. So Cynthia, in her search for love and survival, begin enter relationships like person wey dey find scholarship. But na sufferhead and deceit full the syllabus.
Older men, mostly married ones, hide her inside rented houses like illegal contraband. Dem promise school, care and forever… only to vanish like magician after first semester of suffering.
One particular episode wey resemble African Magic horror was with a 77-year-old pastor. Uncle pastor collect belle give am, dey visit only in daytime like NEPA light, and when his wife finally discovered, na Cynthia dem throw out like expired beans.
“He never fulfilled any of his promises,” she said. “Sometimes he even beat me, but I still dey stay until dem pursue me.” Sis, how do you stay in a one-sided situationship with a retired grandpa pastor and still hope for Bible study and love?
Now she be mama of three, she don waka tire, dey do odd jobs to survive and raise her kids. Life don show her shege, carry am up, slam am down but babe still get small hope say love fit knock again. She say she no fully ready now, but she never lock door completely. She still leave door open small.
But let’s be serious for one minute; 12 marriages by age 37? Abeg when she start the marriage business, na from primary school? Is it a calling or a career? At this rate, Cynthia go soon start to teach masterclass for “Introduction to Failed Marriages 101.” Register now. Limited slots available.
*Southerner Xtra
Sunday, August 3, 2025
