By Nancy Mbaegbu
My gistlovers, wetin dey happen? E be like say this week na airport wahala we subscribe to, because from one flight gist to another, drama no wan gree rest.
This time, na inside Ibom Air from Uyo to Lagos the gbas gbos kick off. This one no be “please fasten your seat belt” routine, na premium passenger vs crew drama wey fit make you wonder if dem dey share turbulence as souvenir.
So apparently, one passenger, Madam Comfort Emmanson, decide say she be Minister of Aviation for her own life. Before takeoff, crew tell am the usual, “Ma, please switch off your phone.” But according to gist, Comfort no gree.
Pilot-in-Command sef come down from cockpit to explain like say na physics lecture. Na after serious dragging she finally off am.
We think say matter don cool. Flight land for Lagos, everybody dey carry bag dey waka go, only for Comfort to remember say she still get unfinished business. She face the head air hostess wey tell am to off her phone earlier and turn the cabin to WWE ring, snatching wig, flinging glasses, delivering premium slaps, and even using her slippers as weapon of mass destruction.
As if that one no do, another crew try separate fight, na so she collect slap join. Next thing, Madam Comfort grab fire extinguisher like say she wan spray everybody or turn plane to water park. Airport security rush enter, thinking say e go end there, omo, she still distribute slap to them join, even ground supervisor chop hot one.
Security bundle her like stubborn goat wey no wan enter pen. But na there gist bend, her clothes tear, exposing her body, and people begin record like say na skit audition. She fit misbehave, yes, but to strip person dignity like that no follow. Rules for unruly passengers dey; restrain, hand over to police, case closed. No be to turn am to public spectacle for internet likes.
Dem finally hand her over to police, and AON no waste time slam her with permanent travel ban. Meaning, madam no fit fly with any airline till Jesus return and dem lock her up to cool off for Kirikiri. NCAA join warn say make passengers respect safety rules. Dem also say make dem hold training for crew members of airlines on how to handle matter professionally.
But just when everybody think say Comfort dey alone for the matter, plenty people wey claim say dem dey inside the flight come online talk say na the air hostess rude action trigger the whole drama. Next thing video drop for internet where after the flight land, the air hostess no allow Comfort disembark, and na that delay plus tension cause the gbas gbos wey follow.
And trust Nigerians, the online market square catch fire instantly. One person ask, “Na by force to use phone for plane? Abi she dey wait make her TikTok upload before takeoff?” Another add, “From refusing to off phone, to tearing wig, to stepping on person, to fire extinguisher, she deserve wetin she get.”
But no be everybody dey drag her o. Some people vex say the permanent travel ban wey AON slam on her na overdo punishment, especially as video don circulate where breasts dey show. Another person talk, “Abeg, make we hear the babe side of the story first, who know wetin the air hostess don do wey provoke am like that?”
NBA and federal government carry the matter for head. Dem hold inside meeting with the CP of Airport Command to secure her release from Kirikiri, and even follow AON talk to lift the permanent ban on the grounds say she dey remorseful. Dem finally listen, drop all charges and release Comfort.
But my people, the gist don twist like bend down wrapper for harmattan breeze. After all the dragging and bans, Comfort don turn overnight celebrity. Brands dey queue like suya customers to give her ambassadorial contracts, but some particular offers scatter internet pass.
Aside from Delta SSA Ossai Ovie Success wey offer her N500k monthly salary, all-expense-paid trip to Asaba vacation, tourism tour, and VIP ticket to Delta Social Media Summit, one Ebonyi real estate mogul don dash her one plot of land for any location for Abuja, while businessman Francis Van Lare promise her free trips to Doha and Istanbul. Omo, e be like say for Naija now, public drama na new investment portfolio.
But Nigerians? Ha! Internet turn to live roast session. One person yarn, “You sure say no be pimping package be this?” Another one ask, “make una talk wetin dey una mind oo, abi na the booby wey una see dey motivate this charity?” Somebody even fire question wey cut deep: “How much be Ossai salary wey em wan dey put person for N500k payroll?”
One comment reads: “Plot of land just like that? Na she win Big Brother?” Somebody even suggest, “All these men just dey mark attendance for Comfort investment fund.” Dem even drag Delta State government join. The dragging dey so intense, I believe Ossai and the new “benefactors” go off phone for one week.
From airplane drama to Asaba VIP treatment and now Abuja real estate plus foreign trips, if this life no balance before, e don officially lean. For this Naija, sometimes, na one public drama fit open private blessings.
Meanwhile, Comfort don drop post for her IG handle say she dey try recover from the trauma and she go give us her own version of the story after she don recover. Online siblings don even dey advise her to sue the airline for the way dem handle her and for exposing her breasts online without consent.
Abeg, if you get high anger issues, to avoid public embarrassment, just enter night bus. At least for road, if you fight conductor, no be everybody go hear am and nobody go ban you from Lagos-Ibadan expressway. But then again, seeing as public gbas gbos now dey come with VIP trips, Abuja land, and fat salaries, some people fit soon dey rehearse slap routine for bus stop.
Ambassador K1 De Ultimate turns Abuja Airport to Fuji Stage
Nothing wey Musa no go see for gate ooo! This gist wey I wan give una na the kind gist wey fit make you drop your spoon of jollof rice and forget say you dey hungry.
Abuja airport witness drama wey fit make ground control press pause. Fuji legend K1 De Ultimate decide say one ValueJet flight no go move until wetin dey vex am clear. The wahala? One stubborn flask wey pass the 100ml liquid limit.
Gist be say airport officials claim the flask get alcohol, but K1’s camp dey swear on Fuji beats say na special water for his “chronic dehydration.” Before anybody fit blink twice, Baba don allegedly baptize one security officer with the contents.
And like film wey fast-forward, K1 march enter tarmac, position himself boldly like him just collect contract to be new runway light. Pilot engines dey roar, passengers don lock seatbelt, but plane no fit move because Baba don officially convert the runway to him personal VIP lounge.
NCAA vex no be small, petition Attorney General and IGP to prosecute am, and suspend the pilot plus crew for attempting to take off with human obstacle blocking road. Minister Festus Keyamo join the drag, say no musician or pilot dey above aviation safety rules.
Insiders gist say ground staff just dey look each other like, “Who get liver to drag K1 commot from here?” Nobody wan be the volunteer wey go trend for wrong reason. Because of the celebrity factor, security dey tiptoe like dem dey handle fragile glass.
The wahala delay reach the point wey flight cancellation nearly enter the chat, and AON no waste time, dem slap K1 with a six-month travel ban.
K1 later mellow, come online apologize to the Presidency, Aviation Ministry, FAAN, NCAA, ValueJet, and Nigerians at large. But for social media? Forgiveness dey scarce, comment section still dey hot like fresh puff-puff oil.
The Aircraft Pilots and Engineers Association sef enter, call K1’s action “arrogant and crude”, and beg NCAA to reinstate the pilots. Meanwhile, Nigerians dey quote Criminal Code Section 469, reminding everybody say obstructing an aircraft fit earn person two years for prison. Some dey shout “Lock am up!”, others dey play defense: “Na legend, leave am joor.”
E bi like the apology touch AON heart because dem finally reduce the 6 months ban to one month travel ban.
Next time you dey airport, respect the rules, because airport no be concert stage o, your trip fit upgrade from “boarding gate” to “court date.”
Pastor Adeboye’s priceless goodbye
If you think you’ve heard all the church gist in Nigeria, think again because Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, the 83-year-old General Overseer of RCCG, just dropped double wahala for dead body at the 73rd Annual Convention.
One minute, Baba dey preach about heaven, the next minute, he dey tell congregation how he go die like say na retirement send-forth party.
According to Daddy G.O, when his time reach, it will be on a Sunday. He go dance well for church, go house, chop pounded yam, then slip away peacefully. Just like that, no sickness, no hospital wahala. Baba talk am with the confidence of a man wey already buy VIP ticket to eternity. Him don turn his own departure to carefully planned travel itinerary.
Before we even open mouth ask “Sir, how you take know?”, Baba lock the conversation: no need to ask questions. He talk am while preaching about “Possessing Your Possession” and leading healing prayers. According to him, who tell una say person must fall sick before him die? Heaven get VIP boarding pass for some people.
As if that no sweet enough, Baba use style add prosperity sermon join. He read 2 Corinthians 8:9, tell Christians to reject poverty sharp-sharp because na one of devil’s favourite tools to slow down the gospel. As in, heaven sure, but bank account suppose get small anointing too.
But before anybody fit shout “Amen!”, Papa Adeboye switch gears. From talking about heaven, he dived straight into fundraising mode like professional auctioneer.
Baba say he needs at least 10 of his spiritual children to donate ₦1 billion each, 100 people to drop ₦100 million each, and if possible, 1,000 children to bring ₦10 million each all to expand Redemption City. And before you form vex, him make sure to remind everybody say giving na voluntary… if you fit afford am.
Insiders talk say as Baba dey talk the “₦1 billion” part, some church members look themselves like, “Na who go start this billionaire challenge?” Others just quietly bow head in prayer, maybe for divine alert.
Still, Baba lace him message with scriptures, prayers for prosperity, and that classic RCCG line wey make members feel like rejecting poverty na holy duty. After all, according to him, poverty na one of devil’s strongest tools to block the gospel.
Whether na for heaven boarding pass or earth expansion project, Papa Adeboye dey make sure both the departure plan and budget plan set before time.
