By Nancy Mbaegbu
Wonders shall never end in Nigeria! My people, before I even sip my garri, Edo State don serve us premium drama. This time no be politics, no be celebrity fight, na one Dangote truck wey jam Phyna’s sister, Ruth, for Auchi.
Yes, that Phyna wey carry Big Brother Naija Level Up crown, known for her fire-mouth, wahala energy and never-say-quiet attitude. You know say if anything touch her family, everywhere go shake like generator when fuel wan finish.
The accident sef no be clear road matter,. Report talk say Dangote truck lose control for Auchi road, jam Ruth and a bikeman. Before anybody fit shout “Jesus!” motor don already scatter her leg. Na so dem rush am go hospital, but doctors later talk say amputation na the only way to save her life. Chai! E pain die.
Reports even talk say the truck driver try disappear after the incident, but villagers no gree. Dem chase am like thief wey steal fufu pot, finally pin am down. Na only Nigerians sabi pursue driver like Olympics relay race.
Phyna no let matter rest. The hype priestess don storm social media with plenty fire, accusing police and Dangote people of trying to cover up. She even talk say truck number plate waka comot from the scene like magic and the driver no even get drivers license.
Online scatter instantly. Actress Kate Henshaw and social media crusader VeryDarkMan join mouth. Now the gist be like pepper soup, hot and everywhere dey choke.
Dangote Cement rush drop press release, promising full medical care and compensation. Lovely speech, sweet English… but Nigerians no dey buy suya without checking meat first. People side-eye the statement: “Oga Dangote, abeg no just dey yarn, show us live action.”
As if the dragging no touch them, Dangote people carry condolence go meet the wrong family. Imagine! Yes o, they even post picture online with one man wey dem introduce as “Mr. Otabor, husband of the victim.
” Husband ke? Na so Phyna shout enter scene: “For the records, my sister no get husband o!” So who be this mysterious man wey don collect free condolence? Abi Dangote Group deliver sympathy package to the wrong address?
Phyna no gree for them oo. She blast Dangote’s “support” statement, especially that line wey talk “quick recovery.” She ask: “Quick recovery from amputation? Una dey craze?!”
And she remind them say another victim, the bike man still dey critical condition. But instead of rushing Ruth go the best hospital sharp-sharp, na paparazzi condolence pictures we dey see. Nigerians dey para: “Which one is photo-op? This na life matter o.”
Meanwhile, the driver sef don enter police custody. Na him face dey circulate now, and trust Nigerians, everybody dey dissect am.
People dey talk say na okada rider level him dey before, and true true, if you see the way some of them dey drive bike like dem dey pursue rapture, you go fear. Now imagine handing that same person a Dangote trailer bigger than one-bedroom flat. Recipe for disaster!
As if wahala no plenty already, Apostle Suleman don throw in heavy accusation say most of the drivers dey high on drugs.
Verydarkman join too,very warn say Nigerians no go dey collect obituary every week because of one company. Him even suggest make government cage Dangote trucks to night-only movement.
Las las, Ruth dey hospital with her new reality, Phyna don turn social media to battlefield. Dangote dey juggle damage control, and Nigerians dey shout for proper reform. Because this one pass press release. Na lives dey waste. And like person talk online: “If na ordinary family wey no get celebrity sister, this case for don die like NEPA light.”
Comfort Emmanson breaks silence
My aprokonation, the turbulence wey follow Ibom Air flight that August 10 never still calm down because the main passenger for the gbas gbos, Miss Comfort Emmanson, don finally open mouth. And trust me, her version carry more drama than the viral video wey scatter social media.
According to Comfort, the wahala no start because she dey form stubborn or refuse safety rules, like people talk online. She say she actually dey struggle to switch off one of her phones before take-off, but the hostess, Juliana Edwards, lose patience, mock her with “children nowadays…” and then drop one coded threat: “You will see.”
Comfort say she no even take am personal since the phones don already off, but the side-eye wey follow that talk na real warning wey she no decode until later.
Fast-forward to when the plane land Lagos. Comfort say she waka go bathroom since her seat dey back. But as she return to disembark, na blockade she meet.
Hostess Juliana block her path like LASTMA checkpoint. “All passengers don already comot, na only me remain, but she just stood there staring at me,” Comfort narrated. Out of frustration, she bring out phone to record the situation.
Comfort say the moment Juliana noticed the camera, na there wahala burst. She drag her back inside like criminal suspect, yank her frontal wig, cut her chain, and even scatter her phones. As if that one no do, the woman reportedly rain insult, calling her “prostitute” on top.
Comfort talk say the pain of wig removal plus that humiliation, na wetin trigger the poke wey everybody dey shout about online.
The dragging no end there. Comfort say male staff rush in, surround her like dem wan arrest cartel boss, pin her down while one person dey record. That same video later go viral, exposing her breasts and turning her dignity into free stickers online. “I cannot even go out anymore… I’m into real estate. Imagine going to meet a client that already saw my nakedness online,” she lamented.
To add insult to injury, instead of full sympathy, some Nigerians turn her trauma to stand-up comedy. One uncle-for-timeline even turn am to bosom awareness lecture: “Sorry o, but it’s a lesson. You’ve always been showing your bosom. The only difference now is the full apples came out. Keep boobs private, suitors will still come.” Imagine turning a woman’s trauma into TED Talk about chest. Na this country we dey?
Comfort say she don sue the airline, but all of us know Naija power dynamics. Small girl vs big system? The odds no balance at all. Still, she insists she no be nuisance or rebel passenger; just a young woman wey enter plane with her dignity intact but land Lagos with wig loss, bruises, body exposure, and trauma as extra luggage.
But we all know say this gist still dey fire so stay tuned my loves.
NYSC vs Raye part 2
My people, you remember that fine youth corper babe, Raye, wey blow for internet some months back after she vex talk say cost of living don turn Nigeria to survival Olympics?
Yes, the same Raye wey drag government like generator rope until dem increase corpers’ alawee from “manage-me” level to something wey fit at least buy garri and groundnut without borrowing.
Well, gist don land say NYSC don hold her certificate hostage like say na ransom case. Dem claim say madam miss April biometric clearance. So dem extend her service by two months. Raye’s shout say, “Na lie! Babe say she go clearance that day, dem just no gree sign and clear her because she dey talk truth about the government.
Her lawyer, Inibehe Effiong, wey no dey fear fight, say NYSC dey do politics with service year, and dem wan use “disciplinary action” hide their real beef wey be say the babe no sabi keep quiet when e reach bad governance. NYSC on their side still dey form strong head, insisting say no be politics, na rule.
But internet no dey sleep. Big guns don enter the matter. Femi Falana call NYSC’s action “overzealousness” wey dey smell like expired bread. Him demand make dem release the certificate sharp-sharp. Atiku Abubakar sef no gree keep quiet, him call am “impunity” and warn say if dem no stop this kain wahala, democracy go turn to “shut up and suffer”.
Meanwhile, online people don dey turn the matter to comedy. Some dey ask, “So this na the thank you gift for person wey help increase alawee?” Others dey joke say, “NYSC just dey teach her say for Nigeria, when you help them fix something, na you dem go first arrest.”
Omoyele Sowore and lawyer Inibehe Effiong storm NYSC HQ in Abuja to demand Raye’s discharge certificate. Effiong don give NYSC ultimatum either release certificate or dem go meet for court. The man even talk say if NYSC still dey do anyhow, him go carry matter reach Presidency under Section 20 of the NYSC Act.
As at now, no proof say dem don release the certificate, but pressure still dey mount and drama still dey unfold. As e be so, this NYSC matter don turn Yoruba market gist. Everybody dey shout, but nobody wan gree comot. Na God go help us for this country.
From sleepover to sleep forever?
My gistlovers, if you think you have seen drama, hold my zobo make give una another fresh tori. One shocking story just land like thunder. We hear say one married woman go do night duty for her boyfriend house, only for the “sleepover” to turn permanent. Yes o, madam close eyes for bed and forget to reopen am.
According to the gist wey scatter internet, the woman waka from another town just to spend night with her lover wey also dey married, but still be small boy compared to her. As e be, na young sugar dey sweet aunty pass sugarcane. Unfortunately, when morning come, na mortuary van replace Uber.
Online judges no gree keep quiet. One savage talk say, “Na why I like women wey dey snore. At least the sound go confirm life dey inside.” Another one come twist am with comedy wey no get rival: “After third round plus 1000mg Viagra, na orgasm turn to electricity. Madam shock absorber no fit hold am again.” My people, internet cruise no dey respect dead body o.
Some keyboard prophets also jump inside matter. One even drop heavy sermon: “The judgement grinding machine of God is slow but accurate. Woman don go, man go face prison.” Others still dey warn, “Why go dey knack another person’s husband or wife, when plenty single people dey waka free? Abi na married people dey sweet pass?”
But make we reason am. Na true say the cause of death still dey unknown, but Nigerians don already write full autopsy report online. From “electrified orgasm” to “destiny punishment,” everybody dey share theory like say dem be CSI agents.
Las las my loves, if your marriage dey bore you, abeg download Netflix or play Ludo with your partner. Because sneaking out for “extra-time tournament” fit end as sudden knockout. Madam go look for small-boy pepper soup, but na RIP she chop.
*Southerner Xtra
Trending with Nancy Mbaegbu
Sunday, August 24, 2025
