By Oreva Godwin
Sex is an amazing experience, one everyone deserves to share with the right person. Yet I often wonder why people shy away from talking about it, especially in Africa. We love it, we use it to relieve stress, for pleasure, to connect, to manipulate, to rise to power or ruin someone’s name, yet we still pretend it’s forbidden.
If talking about sex makes me a bad girl, then by all means, call me your bad girl. Because sex is powerful. It has brought mighty men and women to their knees. It’s sweet, intoxicating, and if you’re not careful, it can become an addiction.
People often underestimate the power of sex. They think it’s all about having a perfect body. No, my darlings, it’s deeper than that. True sexual power lies in your presence, in your aura, your energy, and the way you command a room before even saying a word.
The power of presence can not be underestimated. When I say presence, I mean aura. Some people simply walk into a space and silence follows. You feel something. They don’t boast, shout or pose; they exude boldness. That silent confidence that demands respect, even submission. And when that presence is paired with warmth, a soft, knowing smile instead of arrogance, that’s real power.
I don’t trip for men with sculpted bodies. I can admire them, yes, but admiration doesn’t call to my soul. Presence does. Charisma does. That magnetic “I know who I am” energy.
Imagine a person who isn’t conventionally handsome/beautiful but steps into a room radiating confidence and command. That’s what I mean by an Alpha presence.
Now, imagine that same person, armed with intelligence and the ability to please their partner deeply, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Tell me that isn’t true power.
People with strong presence don’t tolerate disrespect, not from lovers, friends, or family. They carry that dominance into their relationships and even into their intimacy. They are leaders, in life and in bed.
To wield the power of sex, you must understand its arts:
The art of seduction
Most people focus on the physical, the clothes, the abs, the makeup. But seduction begins in the mind, especially if your targets are disciplined and principled sapiosexuals. Intelligence and confidence are the real turn-ons.
You don’t need to be a genius. Just be curious. Engage. Listen more than you speak. Ask questions. Make your conversation a dance of thoughts. When they talk, look into their eyes. Smile, not desperately, but knowingly and confidently. Subtlety is your power.
You have gotten his/ her interest. Now he/she is now looking at you in a welcoming manner and then the real seduction starts. But note to women, a lot of men love to make the first move, so study who you’re trying to seduce. Even if he gives you the welcoming move, still sit, hold the stare and wait for him to reach out to you, then you show him who’s the boss.
Presence plus restraint seduces far more than nudity ever could.
The art of dirty talk
Words can undress the mind long before hands touch the body. Learn to speak desire. Not filth, desire. Understand your partner’s language. Some people love raw talk; others are turned off by it. Study the person, not the act. The best seducers tailor their tone to the soul they’re speaking to.
The art of romance
Romance isn’t a cliché, it’s foreplay for the heart. It’s the soft communication between lips, eyes, and touch. A kiss done right can say I hear you louder than a thousand words. It’s not a saliva exchange act. Don’t be the reason people hate kissing.
Once each lip comes in contact, you are to hold back your tongue and just move your lips with each other. Light bites on the lips, not to draw blood, and as urge rises, you can release your tongue.
Tongue teasing each other, while you use your inner tongue to push in your saliva. Using each other’s tongue to make love to the mouth.Take it rough or slow, it all depends on what both of you like. Lick on the ear, nape, nipples and suck on it seductively and then travel to the stomach and kiss on it, on every scars or stretch marks that triggers his or her insecurity and don’t forget to lick the navel.
Confidence and gentleness are the foundations of true romance. Learn to touch insecurities and turn them into pride. That’s power, not just arousal, but healing through intimacy.
The art of oral sex
Oral intimacy is one of the most underestimated forms of connection. It isn’t just about technique; it’s about understanding your partner’s body, rhythm, and comfort level. It takes patience, attentiveness, and respect.
Many people see pornography as entertainment, but if you must watch, watch to learn.
For men. Lick, on the clitoris just like you’re licking from the cone of an ice cream. Keep your teeth off there. Lick on it passionately, fast and slow. For added pleasure move to the vulva and lick on it and insert your tongue. And then insert a finger, while licking fast on the clitoris. You’re sure to make her scream for joy. If she loves being licked at her anal and that’s your fetish, by all means do it.
For ladies, do not fail to keep your teeth off your man’s manhood. Just your hand and tongue are all that is needed. Lubricate your tongue with your saliva and then the work begins. Stretch out your tongue and wrap your tongue round the manhood and move on it. Note that this depends on the length of your tongue and the size of the manhood.
Never forget the cap of the manhood. It holds crazy sensation. Stroke on it, lick it and put the tip of your tongue on the urethal opening and lick on it and watch your man scream. Now, move your tongue on the manhood with your saliva serves as a lubricant. Move to the balls and lick on it. Move to the perineum and lick on it. The sensations you will get are wild. If your fetish includes anal, suck. That’s if your man can stand the sweet sensation. Go down there.
Cleanliness and consent are everything. Oral pleasure should never be casual or careless; it’s an exchange of vulnerability and trust. Always know your partner’s level of comfort and make safety a priority. When done with understanding, oral intimacy deepens connection far beyond the physical act itself.
The art of sexual penetration
Sex is not a performance; it’s a connection. It’s not about acrobatics or porn-inspired moves. It’s about rhythm, awareness, and respect.
Every person has a different language of pleasure. Some love it rough, others slow. Learn your partner’s rhythm before you impose yours. Sex should never leave someone broken, only breathless.
Explore. Be adventurous. Try new locations, new sensations, new toys, but always with consent and comfort. True sexual power isn’t about dominance; it’s about mutual surrender.
The art of after-sex connection
This is where many fail.
The minutes after sex are critical. Don’t roll off and sleep. Stay. Talk. Laugh. Hold each other. Tell your partner how beautiful or fulfilled that connection is. Even if the words are simple. That intimacy after the act strengthens the bond before the next sexual session.
Because sex without connection is just release. Connection turns it into power, and that’s the power sex ought to give.
Presence is your true weapon. Never forget to build presence for yourself, your aura, your energy, your confidence. You might be great in bed, but without presence, people will use you and walk away.
Intelligence attracts people to you.
Sex entertains them.
But presence keeps them bound.
Humans claim to hate control, yet deep down, we crave it, especially when done in love, power, and sex. Presence gives that control.
Sex alone is not enough.
Presence is the true power behind sex.
*Oreva Godwin, The Southerner
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