By Oreva Godwin
I am proudly an African woman. Our strength? Amazing. Growing up, you see mothers visiting labour rooms eleven times, and I’m like, such grace and strength. How do they do it? Is it not painful?
Growing up, I planned on having four kids. But when I watched my big sister in labour, how she screamed as if she was losing her mind, I humbly reduced it to three kids. Then I watched another woman give birth, and I started thinking of reducing it to two kids.
Don’t laugh at me. These women have traumatised me. I am a soft girl, me and pain are not friends. I can’t stand pain, and I pray to God that a taste of the pain won’t stop me at baby number one. So my dearest readers, put me in your prayers. Don’t laugh at me, pray for me.
But today, we are not talking about childbirth; we are talking about how to end poverty in our homes, which is a serious issue in Africa. The key is family planning.
I watch a lot of Western movies and have had the opportunity to speak with some of them, and I am amazed at how they plan their lives.
A married couple gets married based on their budget, not by looking at rich friends or family for sponsorship. After marriage, they don’t try for a baby immediately. They sit down and plan, looking at each other’s income to see if, after paying the mortgage and all the bills, what they have left can comfortably cater for a child.
If the answer is no, they put trying for a baby on hold and save up for their future child. Once they have saved enough, they start trying for a child. Once they have a child, they create a special account for the child and begin saving for insurance and college.
But in Africa? The case is far different. Our plans are always hinged on friends and family, making it look like it is a crime for the rich to exist without carrying the poor. Friendship has been turned into entitlement.
People plan weddings and form groups of friends to contribute, not for aso ebi, but to fund the entire marriage. Wedding invitations have become fundraising letters. Attached to the invitation is a message demanding financial support. Sugar daddies become chairmen of occasions to give large sums as parting gifts.
Uncles and wealthy family friends are made chairmen so they can give huge amounts of money. Marriage has become a fundraising project. Couples focus on the money that will be sprayed so they can gather it to pay outstanding bills. Some even tell caterers and event planners they will be paid on the wedding day.
You see MCs, caterers, and vendors standing by, waiting to collect their balance money while spray money is being counted. Couples are not smiling genuinely while being sprayed because the money does not look like it will be enough to clear debts. This is unnecessary pressure.
Now married, instead of sitting down to plan how to raise funds and become financially stable before thinking of children, they rush into childbirth. A man earning a monthly salary of one hundred thousand naira is trying for a child, married to a jobless woman. How can poverty end? Can’t you use one or two years to live together and save before trying for a baby?
This mindset, that giving birth will open doors, is what is keeping African homes in poverty.
Couples deliberately try for children with the intention of getting support from family and friends. Raising children has become a community responsibility, and if you refuse to help, you are tagged a wicked person. This is an entitlement mentality.
I remember when a cousin of mine came to visit. She is a teacher in our community, teaching in a private school, and her salary was not up to twenty-five thousand naira. A very beautiful young lady, seven years younger than me, already with a daughter.
I bought her toiletries and tried to play the role of a big sister. I asked about her child; she was three at the time and had not started school. I asked how much it would cost to enroll her, including uniform and other expenses. She mentioned a good school, and I sent her the money, telling her to make sure she used it to put the child in school.
Before she left, my sister and I gave her some money. A year later, she called to tell me she had just given birth again.
I was livid, but I controlled myself. I congratulated her and thanked God for safe delivery.
She then started calling me to buy her a phone and texting me to send baby money. I ignored her. I cannot tolerate foolishness. You cannot make your choices and place the burden of those choices on me. I refused to be honey that everybody feasts on freely. I cut her off. Sadly, the poor children will pay for the ignorance of their parents.
A friend of mine got pregnant during our university days. I stood by her. As a student who was into business, I split my profits into two. I paid for her textbooks and mine, did assignments for two, and supported her in every way I could. The only thing I did not pay was her school fees.
I stood by her like a sister, sent money whenever I could, and eventually she gave birth. We were happy. The day I visited her family house for the first time, something broke inside me. This was not a family background a young girl should come from and make such mistakes. This was a background you should swear to elevate and put an end to poverty.
I told her, “You are not the first to get pregnant out of wedlock, and you won’t be the last,” and advised her to pick up the pieces of her life and plan properly. Two months after delivery, the father of the child paid her bride price.
Before the child clocked five months, she was pregnant again. I was furious. This was no longer a mistake but a deliberate act. She constantly used the children to emotionally blackmail me into supporting her. I got angry and cut her off.
On the day of our final exams in 2019, I saw her after giving birth to her second child, and I cried internally. She was malnourished, like a walking corpse.
Still, I went back to care. This continued, with constant financial demands, until 2024, when I said enough is enough. I sent her a message: I cannot continue sending you money. Wake up for yourself. I warned you, but you never listened. You have to face your life choices. There are businesses you can start without capital. Make good use of your phone and data.
I had to stop. I am a young, hustling woman. I am very fertile. I can decide to be a single mother if I want or marry any man just to start a home, but I choose discipline. I choose to work hard for a better life for my future children. I choose to take my time to select a good husband, one I can join hands with to give our children the best life possible, the life I was never privileged to have as a child, a life my parents’ choices denied me. I refuse to repeat the same cycle.
And I urge all women and couples to stop the cycle of poverty. Family planning is not optional; it is a necessity. How can a level 10 civil servant and a level 9 civil servant have four children with no other source of income, living in a rented apartment, with the current state of the economy? Can’t you stick to one or two children until your income improves?
The days of our fathers are long gone. In those days, people had many children for farm labour. Education was not a priority, feeding was cheap, and they farmed what they ate.
But now? Education is compulsory and expensive. Learning a skill is expensive. Feeding is expensive, and 80% of us are not farmers. So why place unbearable financial pressure on ourselves?
The rich give birth to two to four children. These are people who can comfortably train over a hundred children in good schools, yet they limit the number of children they have because they want focus, quality, and the best life for their children.
But the poor? They give birth as if labour rooms give the sweetest experience on earth, like the Hebrew women of old, placing their fate entirely in religion. Believing that faith alone will always make a way out. Team “miracle no dey taya Jesus.”
Practicing religion blindly while forgetting that even God is a God of principles. Faith cannot correct foolishness in the sight of God. As you make your bed, so shall you lie on it.
Let us adopt family planning. Plan intentionally for the future of your children. Save for their future. Some risks are simply not worth taking.
Poverty is a stigma. Break the cycle. Liberate your future.
