I DON’T DRINK BOTTLES; I DRINK BEER

By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu The party is heavy, but the beer is even heavier. In the present tense of liquor, it’s a rollicking night of highs and higher highs in which, under the inspiration of booze, the face of every girl looks like that of an angel from the heavens. A party in a bar is the very next thing to paradise which duly justifies Ernest Hemingway’s words: “If you want to know about a culture, spend a night in its bars.” And what is more, Paracelsus, the Greek physician,…

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A TEAR FOR THE CHECKPOINT POLICEMAN

By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu I hereby mourn the demise of my dearest friend, the ubiquitous illegal checkpoint policeman, who was heartlessly made to kick the bucket by Unknown Gunmen. Oi! Oi! Oi! This monumental loss is indeed very tragic for me because the checkpoint policeman, whilst he lived, happened to be the most dutiful Nigerian worker who was always at his duty post, from Kaura-Namoda to Agenebode, and from Koton-Karfi to Otanchara-Otanzu! Nobody could have accused the checkpoint policeman of absenteeism all the days of his police life. Compared to…

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LAPTOP PRESIDENCY POWERS TWITTER DEMOCRACY

Nigerians are “wailing wailers”, according to the most excited arse-licker of the government of change and terrorism.  It’s another season of wailing for Nigerians now that Twitter has bypassed the “Giant of Africa” and sited its headquarters in Ghana.  Jack Dorsey and his Twitter gurus must have avoided Nigeria like a plague because they would not want to work under a terrorist minister who screamed that he gets his orgasms when unbelievers are killed! If Nigeria wants to enjoy the company of the makers of the modern technological gizmos it…

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LET’S SELL NIGERIA TODAY

By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu Nigeria as a country has served all its useful and useless purposes, and must perforce be sold for good. I have spoken. I cannot just understand the piecemeal selling of the assets of Nigeria in the name of monopoly capitalism of cement, salt and sugar.  As far as I am in the spirit it should be more profitable selling the entire country in one fell swoop.  There would be no shortage of buyers. It is no longer a rumour that a good number of Nigerians are…

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ARCHITECTS OF THE NOLLYWOOD PHENOMENON

By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu Nigeria is celebrated across the globe as being amongst the three biggest movie-making nations in the world. The United States through Hollywood, India via Bollywood, and Nigeria with her irrepressible Nollywood are the acclaimed three leading countries in the art of telling stories with moving pictures. Femi Akintunde-Johnson, popularly known as FAJ, in his book Reflections on Nigerian Movie Industry: Salute to Pioneering Creativity and Perseverance offers a list of the pioneers and players of the dramatic and filmic arts that made the Nollywood phenomenon possible.   …

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