By Oreva Godwin
Dearest readers, hope your sex life is alive, honest and healthy? I would have failed as a sex coach, if you’ve not learnt one or two things from all my writings on intimacy. Don’t be shy; explore what is comfortable, respectful, and mutual with your partner.
Let me also clear my throat properly before I proceed. Truth is, I do not know it all. There are lots of things to experiment on, but I am yet to be married. So I prepare my mind for future exploration.
Remember, the church reads my articles, and will surely read this one, so I do not want to give the wrong impression that I promote premarital sex. So close your eyes, single people… learn wisely and wait.
Now, to my married and committed couples. Have you ever considered that sex is one of the most powerful forms of communication when love, trust, and respect already exist?
I am not talking about lust. I am not talking about manipulation. I am talking about intimacy, the kind that softens the heart and quiets the noise in the mind.
When two people who genuinely love each other connect physically, something happens. Defenses drop. Pride relaxes. The body finds peace, and suddenly the ears open. Conversations that once felt impossible begin to flow with ease.
Yet instead of using this gift, we choose war. Arguments. Silent treatments. Cold shoulders. When peace was waiting… naked.
Let me be very clear before I am misunderstood. I am not talking about cheating scandals. If you cheat and get caught, expect war, chaos, and possibly divorce. Sex does not fix betrayal. Accountability does.
What I am talking about are misunderstandings. Emotional distance. Insecurity. Conversations that feel too heavy, too tense, too hard to process.
God placed something powerful in the human body, something that can soften even the most stubborn heart when used correctly and lovingly. In that moment of shared happiness, promises come easily, truth flows freely, and affection becomes natural again.
Couples who talk after sex, who laugh, praise, touch, and affirm each other, often enjoy deeper and longer-lasting relationships than those who turn their backs and sleep immediately after.
After intimacy, it matters to compliment each other, hold each other, kiss her forehead, stroke his chest and stay connected
Freshen up. Smell good, for your partner, not the world. Wear the scent they love, not just the one you like. Your scent should pull your partner closer, not attract outsiders. That’s why it’s important to have different scents. You can wear the ones you like when stepping out, but at home, wear the scent your partner likes.
At home and in bed, seduce your partner with familiarity, not competition. After sex it’s important to communicate.
Be playful. Joke. Gossip lightly, nothing that will start another argument. And when the atmosphere is calm and loving, then bring up what you disagreed about.
You’ll be surprised how reasonable people become when their bodies and minds are at peace.
Kelly met Endurance. They fell in love and got married. To him, she was too good for him. She was beautiful, intelligent, and successful. Her career took her around the world, while Kelly was a manager in a company, steady, but not flashy.
One careless statement from a friend planted a seed in Kelly’s heart:
“Men will definitely be on your wife’s case.” That sentence broke something in him.
Insecurity crept in. He became suspicious. He started checking her phone. Most of her messages were from men, clients, mentors, professional contacts.
He confronted her and demanded she cut them all off. Endurance looked at him like he had grown two heads.
“These men supported my growth,” she said. “They give me opportunities. Why should I cut them off?”
The argument escalated. Endurance left the house for an interview. It was streamed live. Kelly watched as the world admired not just her beauty, but her mind. His fear deepened.
“Who wouldn’t want her?” He said to himself, “I must keep her to myself.” After the interview, Endurance didn’t go home. She needed space. She went on a solo date and reflected.
She called her mentor and explained everything. His advice was simple: “Listen to your husband’s insecurity, but help him understand your reality. Create boundaries. Reduce familiarity. And show him respect when you’re with him.”
She drove home. When she arrived, she hugged Kelly without saying a word. She showered, wore his favourite perfume, the soft smell of roses, and slipped into a nightdress he loved.
When Endurance came out of the shower, she met him with touch. Slow. Intentional. Familiar. She applied lotion on his skin, the way she always did when she was relaxed and happy. He understood. That was her love language.
They connected deeply. They made each other feel good, it was as if it was their honeymoon. Afterward, they cleaned up, returned to bed, held each other, and talked. Kelly praised her interview. She thanked him for being supportive.
Then, and only then, she addressed the issue. She apologized for being insensitive to his feelings. She acknowledged his insecurity. She promised to create boundaries and reduce unnecessary familiarity. But she also explained that those men were important to her professional growth.
She told him, ” its a known thing that men invest more in women professionally than women invest in women. It’s always a competition with them” and that she can’t lose these contacts just to start over.
Kelly listened. Truly listened. He understood her without feeling insulted or dismissed. And he chose trust over fear.
Sex did not erase the problem. It created the space where honesty could survive. That is the power of intimacy.
But let me end with this truth, so no one misquotes me: Sex is not a weapon. Sex is not a bribe. Sex is not a cover for irresponsibility.
Sex is a language, and like every language, it only works when both people speak it willingly, lovingly, and with respect.
Used rightly, intimacy does not silence problems. It softens hearts enough to solve them. And that is power many couples are wasting, while choosing war over peace.
*Oreva Godwin, The Southerner
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