By Oreva Godwin
It’s funny how those addicted to sex are often the same people who constantly criticise people who talk about sex. We crave it, yet shy away from holding intellectual conversations about it.
We read about sex, watch porn a lot, but when a close friend or family member writes or talks about sex, we judge them and try to persuade them to focus on other “educational” aspects of life. The level of hypocrisy among us is really concerning.
But I am one lady who cannot take such criticism and then start behaving according to what people perceive to be “morally right.” Last time I checked, you and I came into this world through sex—not politics, not education—but sex. So does that make us immoral seeds?
So why are we shy about what brings forth the next generation? Let’s be honest: poor sex life doesn’t just stay in the bedroom. It spills into society. It increases prostitution, sex scandals, immorality, divorce, and the spread of sexual diseases. So yes, sex education is not luxury talk—it is a societal solution.
I preach one sex partner, and yes, it is all in the mind. You can commit to one partner through intention, discipline, and choosing the right person for you.
Now, today’s topic is going to be very interesting and very educative. Buckle your seatbelt. Bring your pen and paper. We are in for a real conversation.
Dry doesn’t mean cold.
What do I mean? It means that because a woman is dry during sexual intercourse, does not automatically mean she is cold, uninterested, or that she doesn’t love you.
There was a post that trended recently that really irritated me: “The first sign you are with the wrong person is having to use lubricant.” That statement exposed a serious lack of sexual education and sensitivity about the female body.
Let’s correct that ignorance today. There are many factors that can make a woman dry, and I’ll break them down so women can understand their bodies better—and men can stop taking things personally. Because sometimes… it’s not rejection. It’s biology.
What are the factors that can make a woman dry? Dehydration is one reason why this occurs. When the body is dehydrated, lubrication reduces. Simple truth: your body responds to water more than you think.
Another factor that affects dryness is the menstrual cycle. During certain phases of the menstrual cycle, especially around ovulation. You are naturally more wet and more sensitive at this time. After ovulation, hormones shift, and dryness can increase. That is not a problem. That is biology.
Lack or absence of good foreplay also contribute to dryness in a woman. It’s not how long, but how good. Most men fail to realize that to get most women wet they have to master the art of foreplay. Different women, different ways of getting them wet. Stop comparing and complaining – do the right thing.
Some women get wet just by imagining sex, some get wet once their body wants sex. Some get wet just by seeing their spec. While for others, they get wet when they are with their lover only. Yet there are those when they want sex, they need to have a high urge for sex before they can get wet. That is where the job lies: good foreplay. Stop the few-second-kisses or romance and going straight to touch her private parts to see if she is wet; that is rather a turn-off.
The mental state of a woman can inhibit her from being wet. Underrated but powerful. Stress, anxiety, overthinking, lack of emotional safety, or feeling rushed can shut the body down. If the mind is not there, the body will not follow. Simple.
Lack of clitoral stimulation makes some women not to be wet. A woman’s arousal is heavily linked to nerve stimulation, especially around the clitoris. Without proper stimulation and blood flow, lubrication may not happen even when desire is present.
Desire is mental. Response is physical. Both must meet.
Use of antibiotics similarly affect women.
Some antibiotics can contriibute and disrupt vaginal flora by reducing protective bacteria. This may affect vaginal balance and sometimes contribute to dryness or discomfort.
Do you use harsh soaps and have vaginal washing habits? These may be why you are not as wet as desired.
Soaps can strip natural moisture from the vulva and disrupt the vagina’s natural pH balance. Which can lead to dryness and discomfort during sexual intercourse.
Let’s be clear: the vagina is self-cleaning. Not every product belongs there. When balance is disrupted, dryness, irritation, or discomfort can follow. And sometimes sex feels “dry” not because arousal is absent—but because the tissue is irritated.
Hormonal imbalance. This can cause vaginal dryness. Vaginal lubrication is strongly influenced by hormones, especially estrogen. When estrogen levels drop or become unbalanced, the vaginal tissues produce less natural lubrication, become thinner or more sensitive. The vagina may feel dry, tight, or uncomfortable during sex
How to support natural lubrication:
- Drink water daily. Hydration is not optional. Water is basic maintenance.
- Eat fruits. Water-rich fruits like watermelon, oranges, cucumber, and pineapple help hydration. Antioxidant-rich fruits also support reproductive health.
- Consider supportive supplements (where needed). Omega-3, vitamin D, and vitamin E are linked to overall reproductive and skin health. Some women also use supplements like evening primrose oil to support hormonal balance. Some of these supplements can contribute to aid lubrication in the vagina. But let’s be clear: supplements support the body—they don’t replace connection, safety, or stimulation.
- Be with a partner you are genuinely into. Desire is not forced. It is felt. Relax your mind. Sex is not an exam. It is not performance. It is presence. When you overthink, your body disconnects.
- Don’t be shy of using lubricants Let’s kill that stigma. Lubricant is not failure—it is support. It is not a sign of “wrong partner.” It is a tool for comfort and pleasure. Many women in order to kill the shyness, go as far as going to the bathroom and apply lubricant to their privates without the knowledge of their partners. All that stress is not necessarily. We should stop the stigma. Don’t be shy in introducing lubricants. Stop the stigma.
- Communication is important. Say what you like. Say what you don’t like. Teach your partner your body. Do not suffer in silence and call it endurance. Sex is not guess work. It is learning.
At the end of the day, sex is meant to be fun, safe, and mutual—not stressful, not shameful, not misunderstood.
So let’s stop attaching morality to biology. Because a dry moment is not rejection. A lack of lubrication is not lack of love. And a woman’s body is not a machine that fails when it doesn’t respond on command.
Sometimes, the issue is not the woman.
Sometimes, it is misunderstanding. And understanding changes everything.
Being dry does not mean she is cold. It means the body is speaking—and we need to learn how to listen.
*Oreva Godwin, The Southerner Redefined
